Don't Worry, It Is Okay To Outgrow People
This past week, I was on a mission to get rid of a lot of unnecessary stuff in my apartment. Think Carrie Bradshaw in “Sex and the City: The Movie” when she was moving out and went through decades of clothing in her closet. Yes, that was me. (But I’m not moving anywhere…yet). In doing so, I came across a lot of pieces that I had either outgrown, were out of season, or that I would rather not be caught dead in. You're probably wondering why I'm sharing such a mundane task with you today. Here is why: just like your clothes, there are many things in life you will outgrow. You will outgrow your surroundings, your own interests, and most importantly, your friendships.
A few weeks ago, I ran into a number of people from my past. Many of these were former classmates, friendly acquaintances, or frenemies from college that I had not seen or spoken to in a long time. Every year, I looked forward to events that brought everyone together. It's always nice catching up with people once or twice a year, especially when we're all consumed with our own lives. This year was significantly different. This year, I had run into an old flame from school, someone I crushed on really hard back in the day. That being said, I struck up a conversation with former crush and was blown out of my mind. It had been about 3 or 4 years since we had a remotely normal conversation. The whole time he was talking, I just listened, thanking God that I had outgrown him and his friends a long time ago. The same thing happened to other people I used to be friends with or whose opinion/approval I valued at one point in time. I honestly thought it was never going to happen since college and those years are a crucial part of everyone's past.
I hope at this point, you understand my stance on this. Similar to “moving on” from old flames, you move on from people and friendships in your life, and that is totally okay. It’s not something that happens overnight but definitely over the course of your 20's. I've had some very close friends that I've had to let go of in recent times and it definitely wasn't easy and left me frustrated and confused trying to figure out how to cut the cord. I started to look back on the last year and realized how disconnected I felt at times hanging out with them. Whether it was choices they made in their own lives and how they chose to prioritize their time that I failed to understand or how trying to make plans with them felt like a chore or obligation...no matter what, I simply could not close the gap. How do you abandon someone that up until now has been such an integral part of your life? Experience has taught me that external elements cannot drive your life since they are replaceable and transient.
Ask yourself, how many of the people in your life that you interact with on a regular basis bring value to your life? Has your friendship grown over time or is it the same old stuff you guys reminisce over again and again? Since graduating, I find it hard to relate to those who are still “stuck in college” or “don’t get my life”. Like the number of times I can boozy brunch in a month is not on my list of #goals these days, bruh. It is not enough to recognize this; you must be proactive about it. Sometimes you are left with no option but to leave these so called best friends in the past.
After having this great revelation, I decided to surround myself with friends who are constantly pushing themselves for the better. If you are persistently surrounding yourself with mundane people, it will hinder your progression in life. Not saying that there are some friendships and relationships that are special in their own ways, we all have those too. But, trim the fat in your life and associate yourselves with those who directly or indirectly enrich your life! Sometimes you just outgrow certain types of people. Don't try to fix the relationship, just accept it and move on.